Finding a reading partner or reading group will dramatically boost the impact of Dangerous Surrender on your life. Most people learn best when they have the opportunity to verbally process and discuss their thoughts, ideas and reactions with others who are reading the same book. I highly encourage you to connect with a friend or co-worker and use the discussion questions after each chapter.

Download the PDF version of the Discussion Guide here.

CHAPTER 1 - Peeking through the Cracks
CHAPTER 2 - The Kingdom of Me
CHAPTER 3 - Gloriously Ruined
CHAPTER 4 - Ready, Set, Stop
CHAPTER 5 - Exposing Evil
CHAPTER 6 - Mirrors Don’t Lie
CHAPTER 7 - The Gift of Presence
CHAPTER 8 - A Deliberate Choice
CHAPTER 9 - An Unexpected Bond
CHAPTER 10 - Linking Arms
CHAPTER 11 - Some May Die Today

CHAPTER 1 - Peeking through the Cracks   go back
  1. Have you ever experienced God persistently working to direct your attention to some relationship, issue, or cause? If so, describe a major turning point in your realization.

  2. Kay describes the frustration of thinking that the AIDS pandemic was such a gigantic problem that she, as an ordinary person, wasn’t equipped to make a difference. Consider two or three world problems that deeply trouble you. Do you believe you can have any significant impact on these problems? Why or why not?

  3. When was the last time you initiated conversation on a “disturbing” topic? Why do people avoid such conversations? Discuss how such conversations can be destructive or constructive.

  4. Read Kay’s discussion of the world’s wealthy. By her standards, are you wealthy? If so, do you concur with her assessment of “legitimate guilt”? Discuss why or why not.

  5. Consider this chapter’s examples of Mary and the McClendons as lives dangerously surrendered to God. Name a biblical character or contemporary example that impresses you as a life dangerously surrendered. How do these stories speak to you? Identify the factors that draw you to these examples.

CHAPTER 2 - The Kingdom of Me   go back
  1. Make a list of the key reasons you don’t want to get too involved with people in dire need. Reflect on Kay’s question, “Who or what can change your perspective in such a way that instead of living to serve yourself, you actually want to live to serve someone else?” How would you answer this question?

  2. What does Kay identify as the command lying at the heart of dangerous surrender? In what way is this the beginning step in learning to be a disciple?

  3. Kay writes, “This is how we grow into spiritual maturity.” How would you summarize her reasoning in your own words?

  4. Kay explains that her growing understanding of God’s sovereign design created an expectation that God would someday use her for his good purposes. Describe your current sense of the purposes God may have in store for you.

  5. Kay describes the WITTY principle and then concludes, “Figuring out [God’s] ways isn’t any of my business. Following him is.” Which of God’s ways have been most challenging for you to accept and follow?

CHAPTER 3 - Gloriously Ruined   go back
  1. Kay describes being “gloriously ruined.” In your own words how would you define her meaning of this phrase? Do you find the prospect of being gloriously ruined repulsive, frightening, attractive, or desirable? Why?

  2. This chapter describes the concept of simultaneously living in “three worlds.” Describe the “worlds” of your own life experience thus far. Are you open to having God introduce a new world into your life? Reflect on what that could look like for you.

  3. Kay asks, “In what ways are you allowing [God] to rearrange your schedule, your finances, your affections, so you can regularly interact with those he loves?” How would you answer this question?

  4. The final paragraph of the chapter describes the paradox of becoming seriously disturbed and gloriously ruined as the best thing Kay has ever experienced. Given the “cost” she has described, what do you understand as her reason for feeling that the benefits far outweigh the cost? Name some of your own challenging circumstances where the rewards outweigh the very high cost.

CHAPTER 4 - Ready, Set, Stop   go back
  1. Consider a detour in your own life — a time when you suddenly found yourself facing an unwelcome change in direction. At the time, how did it affect your understanding of and relationship to God?

  2. Kay identifies two choices in the face of crisis: pull away from or turn toward God. Apply these two options to the scenario in question 1 above. Imagine the actions and results involved in pulling away from God. Imagine the actions and results involved in running toward him. Discuss what you discover during this exercise.

  3. “What is God’s explanation for this broken system?” Kay cried out to her friend Elizabeth. Yet she concludes in this chapter that God is absolutely worthy of our trust. In your own words, explain how Kay bridges the gap between these two seemingly opposite perspectives. What is the condition of your own “bridge” between the reality of suffering and the trustworthiness of God?

  4. Contemplate your willingness to lash yourself to the mast, as Kay describes it. What cost would you pay for doing so? What is the cost if you do not do so? DANGEROUS SURRENDER 244

  5. Read Job 23:8 – 10, then reread verse 9 aloud. Note the phrase “when he is at work.” Picture your greatest suffering or fears as north, east, south, and west, then read the paragraph surrounding Kay’s motto, “Control the uncontrollables and leave the uncontrollables to God.” What would you need to surrender to join Kay in her refrain?

  6. Kay describes an epiphany in the bamboo hut with the suffering Cambodian woman. How did this epiphany transform her ministry?

CHAPTER 5 - Exposing Evil   go back
  1. Click. Do you identify with Kay’s desire to change the channel to avoid exposure to the evil in our world? With what emotions and thoughts did you struggle as you read this chapter?

  2. Kay writes, “What could I do against such despicable evil? I was just an ordinary woman.” Yet she did choose to personally engage in the battle. What moved her from her state of helplessness to her proactive response of becoming involved?

  3. Review the list of those engaged in pushing back the darkness. Consider the lives and deeds of people you know who are playing an active part in bringing light into dark places. Name two you admire and discuss the impact they have had.

  4. What weapons has God provided for our battle against evil? Choose one in which you find the most encouragement, and explain why.

  5. Kay describes what God does not want us to do in the face of evil. Identify the undesirable response into which you are most prone to slip. What could strengthen your resolve to avoid that response?

  6. How has this chapter made you uncomfortable or challenged your thinking? Select one uncomfortable thought from this chapter that you will use to engage in a meaningful conversation this week.

CHAPTER 6 - Mirrors Don’t Lie   go back
  1. What does Kay mean by the phrase “the mirror doesn’t lie”? Were you taken aback by the shift from righteous indignation to the dramatic statement “The harsh reality is that given the right circumstance, any one of us is capable of any deed”?

  2. Read the quote from Henri Nouwen that follows the phrase. Do you find yourself agreeing with or resisting his premise?

  3. Consider Kay’s metaphor of Carlsbad Caverns. Take a few minutes to privately consider the very worst of yourself buried deep within your own subterranean caves. Are you afraid that God is shocked and repulsed by what he finds there? Are you prepared to invite God to flood your deepest crevices?

  4. Kay identifies a truth that “changes everything.” In what way does this truth change you?

  5. How would you summarize this chapter’s connection between understanding our own depravity and our personal involvement in ministering to the needs of others?

  6. As you review this challenging chapter, look for all the good news, naming every positive truth you find encouraging. How does this final exercise affect your response to this chapter?

CHAPTER 7 - The Gift of Presence   go back
  1. In this chapter Kay describes a transformation in her understanding of the essence of compassionate ser vice. Contrast her understanding at the beginning of the chapter with her understanding at the end.

  2. Discuss the various levels of impact we can have on
    those in need:
    • providing physical labor
    • speaking words of truth
    • simply being compassionately present
    Do you tend to place a higher value on one over the others? Why or why not?

  3. How might the thought of being a container of God influence your impression of what you have to offer to a hurting world?

  4. Why did many of the residents of the leprosarium in the Philippines who were already cured of leprosy remain there? Compare their experiences with that of people who bear the “scars” of broken lives as they consider visiting or joining a church.

  5. Name specific improvements a local congregation can implement to become a place of greater welcome and safety for those who bear the scars of brokenness. DANGEROUS SURRENDER 248

  6. Kay writes, “To make a difference, you don’t have to have a grand strategy for eliminating poverty, HIV/AIDS, illiteracy, greed, or suffering.” What is needed? How does this realization affect your willingness to personally engage with a hurting world?

CHAPTER 8 - A Deliberate Choice   go back
  1. Reread the quote from Lewis Smedes. Has anyone ever willingly entered into your life’s pain in the way Smedes describes? Have you ever felt God’s pull to do so in the life of another? Describe what happens in the heart of a sufferer who is on the receiving end of such mercy.

  2. Take a few private moments to be completely vulnerable before God. What about this chapter seems most threatening to you or your current lifestyle?

  3. Consider these words: shocked, angry, frustrated, guilty, troubled, wrestling, resistant, stirred, hopeful, inspired, called, compelled. Choose the three words that come closest to describing what you are experiencing as you are reading this book. Explain your choices.

  4. How has your understanding of HIV/AIDS, world poverty, social justice, and the experiences of the outcast been affected by Kay’s experiences and perspective?

  5. Reread each surrender question at the end of chapters 1 through 8. Identify which have been the easiest and which have caused the most wrestling.

  6. Discuss specific opportunities you’ve become aware of in which you could invest yourself in compassionate service.

CHAPTER 9 - An Unexpected Bond   go back
  1. In what ways do you identify with Kay’s perceptions of prostitutes at the opening of this chapter? How would you compare them to your own perceptions of people who are HIV positive?

  2. Kay writes, “There were profound spiritual truths hidden in that encounter with these outcast women.” Discuss the truths you find in this encounter and identify the most unexpected insight you gain.

  3. Reread the story of Kay’s encounter with Pastor Mike. Choose one sentence you would most like to discuss and turn it into a question for your group to discuss.

  4. Read the following verses recounting the emotions that Jesus felt: Matthew 21:12; 23:37; Luke 13:15 – 16; 17:2; John 11:35. Compare those emotions to what you have felt as you have read this book so far.

  5. How would you describe Kay’s discovery that transformed her despair and hopelessness into an unexpected bond with Jesus?

  6. The title of this chapter is “An Unexpected Bond.” Select one unexpected insight that you have found particularly meaningful.

CHAPTER 10 - Linking Arms   go back
  1. In what ways can you identify with Kay’s sense of despair as she witnessed her first International AIDS Conference in Bangkok? What infiltration of evil in your world do you find overwhelming?

  2. Reread Acts 26:12 – 23, then focus on verses 17 and 18. As you anticipate your next twelve months, is it conceivable that you are also being “sent off”? If you were to choose an area of ser vice, what might it be? Does this question fill you with anxiety or anticipation?

  3. “The only problem is that it’s impossible.” Kay jolts the reader with these words. List several biblical examples of God’s accomplishing the seemingly impossible. Recount the names of God’s servants chosen and empowered to play critical roles in those events.

  4. In the midst of her discussion of the history of the Chris tian church, Kay asks the question, “So why would I put any faith at all in such a ragtag bunch of losers? Because God does.” What is your understanding of why God works through people rather than solely through divine, supernatural means?

  5. Discuss the range of roles the church has played in world history — from heroic to horrific. If you were to interview local residents about the impact of your church on your community or the world, how might they respond? DANGEROUS SURRENDER 252

  6. “We don’t go after global Goliaths armed only with our personal slingshots,” writes Kay. Reread her description of how the body works together. How can your local church — how can you — link arms to join the movement to become God’s hands and feet for a broken world?

CHAPTER 11 - Some May Die Today   go back
  1. Can you imagine your own Polaroid picture of God’s will for you developing over the years? What do you know now about God’s purposes for you that you did not yet “see” two years ago? Is there an area of your life where the fuzziness is giving way to a sharper image?

  2. How is it possible that the center of God’s will can be the safest yet most dangerous place to be?

  3. Kay writes, “Most of us are called to pay a much smaller price, although each point of surrender can at times turn into high drama as we play tug-of-war with God.” What are the “high drama” points in your tug-of-war with God thus far in your life? What part have they played in your developing maturity?

  4. What great surrender challenges do you see ahead? Do you find yourself dreading them or eagerly awaiting them? How can such challenges craft you into Christlikeness?

  5. Of all the stirring images in this chapter, which had the most profound effect on you? Why?
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