It’s good for the soul to fight the virus.
Published first in Christianity Today: April 28, 2008

Five years ago, I became a seriously disturbed woman. Through a single magazine article about AIDS in Africa, my attention was captured and a sense of shock, horror, and doom awoke within me.

How could there be more than 30 million people infected with a lethal virus, and I not know even one of them? How was it possible that there were 12 million children orphaned by this horrible virus, and I couldn’t name a single one? Those questions sent me on a search to discover God’s heart for people infected and affected by HIV/AIDS; within a very short time, I became seriously and permanently disturbed.

Once I became disturbed, I became passionate about ending AIDS in Rick’s and my lifetime. We are not content to merely manage AIDS, any more than we’re content to manage cancer, TB, or malaria. Our goal is to wipe it out.

So you may ask: Where’s the message of Jesus in all of this social gospel stuff? The answer lies in the life story of David Miller. Rick met him two and a half years ago at a conference in New York. After the meeting, this rough and tumble man who had served in the Marine Corps approached Rick and told him, “I’ve had AIDS for 20 years. I’m a member of ACT UP in New York, and have been arrested over 200 times protesting drug companies and the government’s response to AIDS. Where was the church when I needed help?”

Rick responded by asking for forgiveness, saying, “I’m sorry for all the hurt and pain that has ever been caused to you in the name of Christians or Christ.” David jumped backwards, shocked by the apology. That day, they spent hours together talking, and Rick invited David to our upcoming Global Summit on AIDS and the Church. Much to our surprise, David accepted.

At the summit, David accosted anyone who came near him with loud diatribes against the government, drug companies, and politicians. Near the summit’s end, he reluctantly joined other HIV-positive men and women on the stage to receive prayer. The next day, Rick and David met again, and David explained how it seemed impossible for him to ever stop hating those who had failed him.

Over the next year, we called and e-mailed David, and sent CDs that we thought would answer his questions. I visited his beloved Bronx neighborhood. He pointed out the crack houses, the junkies, the pimps and prostitutes. Tough as nails on the outside, David had a deep heartache for “his people.” He choked up as we walked those mean streets. He quietly murmured, “You came; I can’t believe you came here.”

There was a gradual softening in him—a tiny sprout of hope. One day he said to me, “I’m beginning to think that if you guys are real, and you love me, maybe God is real and loves me too.”

The following November, the 2006 Global Summit on AIDS and the Church took place. A less hostile, though still wary, David attended. On World AIDS Day after the summit, Rick had the joy of leading David to the Lover of his wounded soul, Jesus Christ. David’s world, AIDS, and his newfound faith finally collided. We laughed, cried, and celebrated together. Hope had sent roots into David’s life.

Soon David began to complain loudly that no one had showed him the fine print ahead of time. As only David with his Bronx accent could say, “Being a Christian is the hardest thing I’ve ever done! I can’t call the mayor of New York a Nazi anymore; he’s a human being that God made. I can’t hate my enemies. I have to love them!” The fragile sprout was turning into a seedling.

The 2007 Global Summit took David one step further. He stood in the pulpit at Saddleback and gave his testimony. The next day, World AIDS Day, Rick put a shaking, terrified David under the waters of baptism. David propelled himself out of the water and into Rick’s arms, sobbing with joy. Minutes later, a fellow Marine who had just heard David’s testimony asked David to baptize him on the spot. And so it was that David Miller, a man hardened by years of battling the system, came full circle. As a new creation in Christ, David assisted Rick in the baptism of another new creation in Christ.

Where’s the message of Jesus in all of this social gospel stuff? Ask a transformed David Miller. The thought that God cared about his body as well as his soul pierced his steel plates of defensiveness and allowed him to dare to believe that he was loved by God.

Our task is to make the invisible God visible. By opening our arms in acceptance, by being his hands and feet, we make him visible.

The Bible doesn’t say “let the pursuit of wealth be your highest goal” or “let decorating your house be your highest goal” or “Let being the best athlete be your highest goal”……it says in 1 Cor. 14:1 (NLT)

“Let love be your highest goal.”

Dangerously surrendered, seriously disturbed and gloriously ruined followers of Jesus Christ are willing to let loving sacrificially be their highest goal.

In the Old Testament, God gave a carefully prescribed sacrificial ritual that the Israelites had to follow to have their sins covered.  Animal sacrifices had to be offered on a daily basis.  After Jesus came and offered Himself as the perfect Lamb of God, there was no longer any need of animal sacrifices.  But God says there are still some sacrifices that mean something to Him – but they’re not what you might expect.          

Hebrews 13:16 (Msg) “Don’t take things for granted and go slack in working for the common good; share what you have with others.  God takes particular pleasure in these acts of worship – a different kind of “sacrifice” that takes place in kitchen and workplace and on the streets.”  

The kind of sacrifice that God is looking for now is the kind that happens in our daily routine. He is asking us to love sacrificially in the three domains of our lives:  in the kitchen, which represents our homes and our families.  In the workplace, where many of us spend a majority of our time, and on the streets – the hurting world all around us.

Are you willing to learn how to love in a way that costs you something at home…..at work….and in our world?

Easter is an amazing time at Saddleback – this year we’re hosting 12 services, spread over 4 days (not including the video venues and 3 regional campuses).  A few years ago, our family gave up trying to fit Easter dinner in between all those services.  Now we gather on the Saturday before Easter for a leisurely brunch, with plenty of time to spare before the afternoon services.  It’s pretty standard holiday stuff:  a fabulous meal followed by the requisite Easter egg hunt.

Today, Kaylie(4 ½) and Cassidy(2 ½) lugged Easter baskets almost as big as they are through my sister-in-law’s backyard, while baby Caleb (7 months) watched from a blanket on the grass.  They shrieked with delight when they spotted the eggs other family members had “hidden” in plain sight.  The plastic eggs had jelly beans inside, and the girls stopped and inspected the contents – well, tasted is probably a better description.   They’re not candy gourmets yet – they haven’t graduated to the malted milk balls or marshmallow bunnies.  Jelly beans cause plenty of excitement!

I stood in the doorway, watching them run around the yard, and fondly remembered all the Easters I hunted for Easter eggs as a little girl.  One particular Easter – and a marshmallow bunny - flashed through my mind. I looked at my sister-in-law and said, “You’re not going to believe this – but it’s because of a marshmallow bunny that I became a Christian!  She laughed and said, “This is a story I’ve gotta hear!”

It’s a crystal clear memory to me. The Easter I was 8, my parents announced they were going to take a Sunday afternoon nap after church and left me strict warnings not to eat any more candy out of my Easter basket.  While they snoozed, I felt the irresistible call of a marshmallow bunny.  I ate it.  I had the guilt thing down pat, because the minute they woke up, I confessed my moment of weakness.  Somehow, though, in that moment of childish disobedience, I understood for the first time that what I had done was sinful.  Not that I was a vile criminal, but my sin was exactly the reason that Jesus had died on the Cross.  It dawned on me that I needed a Savior…..so I asked not only for my parents’ forgiveness, but for God’s forgiveness as well.  I became a Christian.

Hey!  Some people have conversion stories that involve embarrassing behavior surrounding drugs, alcohol, sex, shady business dealings, or heartrending stories of abuse or tragic accidents …….mine revolves around a marshmallow bunny.  I wish I could add some drama to the story – make it more remarkable, but the truth is, Easter candy brought me to Jesus.

What brought you to Jesus?  Love to hear your story!

Romans 10:9 (NLT)  "For if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Wow…where does the time go?  My good intentions of posting a new blog entry every Friday keep disappearing in the tyranny of the urgent.  A few emergencies here, an unexpected deadline there, and before you know it, a whole week has zipped past me.  Sort of the way life itself has a way of moving faster than the speed of light…blink, and whole decades disappear.

Which makes me start thinking about mortality – mine in particular.  March is “Survivor Month” for me. I finished the treatments for breast cancer in March, 2004, so I count the years of survival from March to March each year.  It’s been 4 years!  I’ve been graced with four more years to live….to love……to serve.  I’m so grateful.

What’s so odd is that there are still many people around the world who think I’m dying!  Rick gave an interview in the fall of 2003 when I was just diagnosed and wasn’t doing too well.  Courtesy of the internet, this interview is still circulating….and causing a lot of confusion.  It seems like weekly I receive prayer shawls, cards, gifts, emails or phone calls from places as far away as Jordan and Russia, each wishing me good luck in my battle against terminal cancer.  Sometimes at speaking events, I am tentatively approached by a man or woman with a puzzled look on their faces – and I can instantly tell they’ve read THE EMAIL. I am so touched by the love and concern that is sent my way – in fact, don’t stop praying for me!  But what fun it is to send word back that I am in remission……cancer-free……fat and sassy as ever!

March might not be as significant a month for you as it is for me – there are no birthdays, anniversaries, or special events to look forward to - But it can be!  What if March is the month in which you decide to stop withholding some part of yourself from God?  What if March becomes the month you decide to get serious about your commitment to the poor, the widow, the orphan, the sick, and the marginalized?  What kind of celebration could you have if you finally said “yes” to God?  Let’s make March a month to remember!

Oh yeah….I’m surviving.  Best of all, I’m thriving….

Philippians 1:20-21(NIV)  “I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always, Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.  For me to live is Christ and to die is gain.”

This may sound really cheesy, but it fills me with joy to know that God is using Dangerous Surrender to break people’s hearts.  It’s bizarre, I suppose, to celebrate another’s pain, but I am convinced that the discomfort many of you are feeling is so necessary……so critical to our mission of being his hands and feet in the world.  So as odd as it might seem, I meet your tears with a huge smile!  “YES!!!” I exclaim. “Another seriously disturbed man or woman has joined the battle against evil, injustice, darkness and brokenness!  Send more, God!”

I’m only half-joking. 

I guess I’m so pumped because I know something of the adventure that is ahead of you.  I don’t necessarily mean “adventure” like Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride, or that you’ll be borrowing a page from “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.”  The adventure awaiting you COULD have some elements of a thrill ride (careening down a mountain road in Rwanda at over 110KPH around blind curves almost qualifies as a Disney feature), but what I’m most excited about is I KNOW you will bump into God along the way, and being in close contact with him will radically change you.  You can’t be intimate with God and not take on his heart and passion.

So here’s my prayer for you this week (a Franciscan blessing):

“May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths and superficial relationships so that you may live deep within your heart.  May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may wish for justice, freedom, and peace.  May God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.”

Choose surrender.  Expose evil.  Do good in Jesus’ name!

A seriously disturbed woman,

Kay  

In December I had the opportunity to appear on several national news shows – both radio and television - to promote my book, Dangerous Surrender.   The debut show was Good Morning America, hosted by Robin Roberts.  I was so nervous!  I was keenly aware that everything I said would be scrutinized and evaluated by those watching. I was so afraid that my brain would freeze and I wouldn’t be able to think of a thing to say – or worse, I would say something stupid that would haunt me forever!  Let me tell you, it’s a lot harder than it looks!  The studio was freezing cold, making me shiver more than I already was. The lights were merciless and harsh, revealing every stray eyebrow hair, blemish, and wrinkle. The schedule was unforgiving – you MUST do what the technician tells you do at the second he points to you – no delays, no leisurely pauses to reflect on your thoughts, no second chances to adjust your skirt or hair ….or your words.  The pressure is intense.

Robin was lovely – even prettier in person than on the air.  I only had a few seconds to meet her off camera, get positioned in the guest chairs, and then BAM!  The cameras were rolling.  Robin asked me how I became an AIDS advocate.  Simple question.  But how do you condense a life-changing journey into 15 second sound bites?  I quickly told about reading the magazine article on AIDS in Africa – how I was stunned to realize that I didn’t know a single person infected with HIV …… horrified I couldn’t name one orphan.  I tried to give some of the back story – that up to the time I read the article I didn’t care at all about AIDS anywhere, thinking that it was a gay men’s disease and therefore I didn’t have to be concerned.  I said “I was ignorant and hardhearted.”  While embarrassing to admit, that was the truth about me in 2002.  But in the pressure and panic of my first national television appearance, as a million disconnected thoughts flew through my brain, I did it.  I left out a crucial part of my story.

What I didn’t say – that I ALWAYS say – is that I’ve discovered it doesn’t matter how a person gets infected. As I write in Dangerous Surrender, even if every person who is HIV+ is also gay, that shouldn’t affect our level of compassion.  If you search the New Testament, you’ll find Jesus never asked anyone how they became ill; his consistent response was “How can I help you?”   The Pharisees tried to ascertain how people became sick – what sin had they committed – but Jesus looked beneath the surface to see what sick people really need:  acceptance, love, touch, compassion.  Healing of both body and soul.  Other HIV/AIDS advocates and activists and I probably don’t see eye to eye on everything related to the pandemic, but one vital point of agreement is this:  it’s not a sin to be sick. 

A New Year gives me hope.  Hope that fewer people will become infected with HIV this year than last year.  Hope that more orphaned and vulnerable children will find a home than did last year.  Hope that the church of Jesus Christ will open her arms wide to those living on the margins, those who so desperately need to hear that they have not been forgotten or abandoned.  Hope for second chances to show a skeptical world that even ignorant, hardhearted women like me can change.  

Psalm 51:10 (Msg) "God, make a fresh start in me, shape a Genesis week from the chaos of my life."

I love the story of the Tabernacle in the Wilderness found in the Old Testament. “Tabernacle” simply means dwelling place, and I am fascinated by meaning in the details of this humble “tent” that housed the presence of God.  Symbolism abounds, and for a mystic like me, discovering profound spiritual significance about the coming Messiah hidden in fabrics, metals, measurements and craftsmanship is so much fun!

One of the things that made the nation of Israel distinct from surrounding nations was that Israel had a personal God – one who showed up.  His spirit led them through the wilderness with a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night.  No other nation could make that claim.  Once a year on the sacred Day of Atonement, the High Priest would sacrifice a lamb on the bronze altar, wash and purify himself at the bronze wash basin, enter through the door into the Holy Place where he prayed and ate the fresh manna by the light of the golden lamps, and then with great anticipation, he would part the thick veil to enter into the Holiest of places.  There, he sprinkled the lamb’s blood for his own sins and then the sins of the people.  He would quickly leave so as not to risk sinning in God’s presence. Because of the High Priest’s actions on behalf of the whole nation, God‘s presence filled the Holy of Holies and for another year, the relationship between God and man was made right.

Jesus’ coming into the world changed all of that.

Symbolism is replaced with concrete reality; the shadows reveal Messiah.  God now in flesh isn’t content to merely “tabernacle” in a building made with human hands – He seeks to “tabernacle” – to dwell – in the hearts of those He has made.  A cloud and a pillar of fire no longer adequately explain Him or sustain those who long to know Him.  Once a year intimacy on the Day of Atonement is replaced with moment by moment intimacy; God with us, God in us.

This, then, is our source of joy at Christmas.  The God of the universe, who visited us in the past with thunder, bushes that wouldn’t burn, voices from animals, clouds and pillars of fire – BIG, loud, awe-inspiring feats – finally appeared as a weak, powerless infant.  He came to be near to us, to embrace us, and to take up residence, not in a tent, but in our souls.

2 Corinthians 9:15 (NIV) “Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!"

Another World AIDS Day, and no cure or vaccine in sight.  Twenty six years of a monstrous virus unleashed on our planet…millions infected….millions already dead….millions of orphans and vulnerable children left to find their way alone.  Where’s the hope?

This week at the 3^rd annual Global Summit on AIDS and the Church, we talked about the hope – it’s only found one place:  the Church!  If I wasn’t absolutely convinced that the church of Jesus Christ is the missing link in the fight against HIV, I would be in despair.  If I didn’t believe that Christian families around the globe are the answer to the 143 million orphans (due to all causes) who are growing up without the nurture and guidance of parents, I would just pull the covers up over my head and be done. 

But there is a bright spot in this pandemic.  It’s the dawning recognition in the church that we belong on the front lines, leading the race against HIV/AIDS….not against people, but against the virus that destroys the most vulnerable among us, one life at a time. 

As followers of Jesus – His church – each of us can offer acceptance, support, a willingness to suffer with those who suffer, our commitment to offer ourselves, and most of all – HOPE!  Hope for access to medication for all who need it. Hope for a cure.   Hope for healing of broken relationships. Hope for communities of safety and sanctuary where all are offered grace and new beginnings.  Hope for a better life beyond this life in the presence of our Savior.  Hope that one day AIDS will end.

Psalm 31:24 (NLT) “So be strong and take courage, all you who put your hope in the Lord!” 

This is the opening day of the third annual Global Summit on AIDS and the Church at Saddleback!  I eagerly look forward to this event each year – it’s the one place I go where every person I meet cares about HIV/AIDS.  The men and women who assemble from around the globe understand the devastation this virus causes to those impacted by it; they understand it so well that they have dedicated themselves to stopping AIDS.  Because we are united in our goal to find a way to halt the pandemic, every conversation is centered around prevention, care, treatment and support for the millions whose lives have been turned upside down by HIV.  Orphans are on the lips of the attendees as the church – Christ’s Body on earth – steps up to the plate and declares that every child deserves a family.  I’m exhausted from six months of preparations for this Summit – but filled with excitement to see what happens over the next 3 days….stay tuned!